Time

Meredith and I have spent a lot of time together this week. She has been ill with a fever high enough to keep her prostrate for the first two days and much of the third. She's slept a lot, too, and has hardly eaten. I've read to her, brought cooling towels for her head, doled out medication, tried not to let her see my alarm as her temp soared over 103 (not high for a child, I know, but scary nonetheless), read to her, kept her shivering body warm with blankets and flannel, rubbed her back, and tried to amuse her when she's awake.

That's my job of course; I'm her mom. But with my husband out of town, our teen busy will all things teen-like (homework, Facebook, a boy, after school activities) and even cooking her own meals and doing her own laundry, and me without the hustle and bustle of going to the office, Meredith and I have been alone together a lot this week, and I've felt a heightened sense of mothering.

When your children get to the age that mine are, 11 and 15, "mothering" seems less about cuddiling and caretaking and more like being a combination drill sargeant/chauffeur/psychologist/traffic cop while delivering endless supplies of food. Whole days seems to pass when I see Olivia only through bleary pre-caffeine eyes in the morning as I drop her off to school and weary, computer screen-reddened eyes as she kisses me goodnight. A lot of the time I watch her slip up the back stairs like a stealth daughter, coming in from one activity and racing to get to another, and I want to say, "Wait, come back here. I need to see you again before you grow up." And then there are times when she comes in my room after 11 p.m. and wants to talk endlessly about the minutia of her day--which is so typical of her age--and I have to force my tired self to listen, nod, and muster up some sage advice. If I don't listen now, I may never get the chance again.

Meredith is at the age, and of the temperament, where battles erupt out of nowhere. She's never wrong, it's not her fault, and she always has to have the last word. (Yes, I do realize she is just like me. Mom, wherever you are, I know you are smirking.) She always "needs" something, and getting it never seems to be enough. The rest of the time, she smart, sweet, funny, cuddly and beautiful. But she can turn on a dime. It's exhausting.

This week has been a break from all that. And it has reminded me of when she was a baby. She was the easiest baby in the world, as opposed to Olivia who screamed if you put her down and refused to sleep. From the moment she was born, Olivia was on to the next thing. Go, go, go. The word we heard the most about her from other people was "alert." Meredith was a gentle, quiet baby. The word we heard about her was "sweet." Though affectionate, Olivia rejected anything confining. The Snugli was out of the question. Meredith, on the other hand, slept contendedly against my chest while I wrote freelance articles.

Though I wish she were not ill, and I am trying not to think of the tasks that my coworkers are doing in my stead, this week with Meredith has been a throwback to those baby days, when it was just the two of us for hours on end, and I've enjoyed it. Yesterday, when she was feeling better and had come to sit beside me while I typed, I looked over at her beautiful, sweet self, on the verge of leaving childhood and navigating the journey toward womanhood, and I snapped this picture.

Comments

[Camille @ Heart-Shaped Rock Cottage]

My youngest baby will turn 10 very, very soon and her moods are getting "weather like" and I feel like I must dress in emotional layers some days! I enjoyed your blog entry very, very much. Good for us Mom's to know we're not alone...

[La Rad]

It's a very cute picture. And I hate it when they are sick for days on end, it's very unsettling. I hope Olivia feels better.

And she was a very sweet little one. Went to everybody.

[Marty]

She looks a great deal like her mother, pretty girl! She's not that much younger than when I met you! Nice phrase "heightened sense of mothering" I relate and understand that beautifully!

[Rue]

I completely understand what you're going through. So much so that I could have said the same exact things, except my eldest is a boy. He turned 18 and wants to move out. I am sooooo not ready for that.

Meredith is beautiful :) She looks like Kate Winslet.

Hugs,
rue

[Jill]

Your blog is so beautifully written. You have made me cry twice already! I have three children, ages 8, 8 and 1 and you have reminded me to cherish the moments for all of them, as I know all too well, how quickly time passes.